8
Whew. Hello from the depths of Pisces season. Y’all still with me? What a wave this cycle has been and we’re nowhere near the bottom of it.
One the opposite end of the cosmology wheel, we’re approaching a Full Moon in Virgo. Virgo is all about the work. The work you want to do as well as the work that you’ve been avoiding. The language of labor, who has access to who can benefit from your time, love and energy.
Somewhere in all of my feelings, I’m still taking inventory of my languages, and have become even more aware of my love of music and how that is applied and experienced when I show and give love to others. I’m the type to make you a playlist to convey how I feel about you. But I’m also the type to delete it when the relationship doesn’t grow further. Not because I don’t want you to have it anymore, but mainly because those sounds serve as a time capsule of a moment that will never happen again, and therefore releasing that configuration allows me to enjoy the music without the overt connection to you. That is one of the labors of love for myself and my healing that I facilitate.
“People will come in your life and try to test you to see if you love them more than you love yourself.” - Maryam Hasnaa
Speaking of Virgos, I write this as a love note and offering of gratitude to Tatianna Tarot, who I had the honor of having a hour, in person reading from when she was back in Brooklyn this past weekend. If you’re reading this saying, “who’s that?” get thee to Instagram and get your life. One of the answers to my spiritual check in with her, which I’ve done once a year since 2016, is that as I’m in my power year, it is also a time of karmic lessons. I’m in a year 8 cycle, which is all about growth and expansion in the direct reflection of the infinite. It’s a loop that can be wield a whole array of possibilities, all along a spectrum. It is our responsibility to discern the lessons and the challenges along this path so that we can continue to thrive in the long run.
In my case, Spirit said that I need to think bigger. That I’m sitting on a gold mine, and that for whatever reason, I’m not fully sharing all that I can do. For whatever reason. I need to work on that in order to reach my full expression. Makes sense right?
The only trick with that is, and I wish I had the time to explain it to Tatianna but we would of been there for a while, is that as I continue to expand and take up space, I continue to worry about the people that will not be comfortable with that fuller expression of my being. This is silly because I, at least on paper, “know better” when it comes to those types of envy and jealousy. Even Spirit said that I know that this will happen and it stems from my ability to read and discern people’s true intentions. To witness both what is being said explicitly and what is implied just below the surface.
Somewhere just beyond the shallows, because of who I am, I will often see what people do not want me to see. I’m realizing that this is a gift, and something that I can wield in order to be in service to people who consent to being seen. In a reflection and intention that allowing people to be seen and held is another one of my love languages and that this is valid and valued.
My Jupiter in Leo placement is clawing away, slowly but surely, at the idea that I had of myself of being able to do the karmic work of being in relation with others alone at this time. The logic being that if I focus on that and have tunnel vision when it comes to my goals, that I’ll be alright. Ancestors agreed, but said to push for more. To continue to expand and be brave in the face of any and all that comes my way. But because I’m, unfortunately, used to the calls to contract, I’m not used to the calls to step forward. Too many echoes of “Veronica takes up too much space” or “Veronica it’s always about you,” in the recent years has forced me to constantly check with my own reflection to say “are you taking up too much space?” “What resources do you have at your fingertips that you can disseminate?” “Does it have to be you Veronica or can you put somebody on?”
“Ask yourself this often: Am I observing the situation accurately or am I projecting how I feel onto what is happening?” - Yung Pueblo
That frequency of alchemy has allowed me to share opportunities with people that I love that wouldn’t necessarily find out otherwise. It has allowed me to redirect the circuits and step into being comfortable in the dark, and doing the work that I need to do to be in right relation with myself without the accolades. Without the buzz. Without the traffic. Without the external affirmations. It’s said that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, and that this is temporary. That same said outward praise can quickly turn into feelings of entitlement, privilege and demand, without us realizing. Folks who are not prioritizing that enteral work in the name of overcompensating in the external. Through all the forces in the world, seen and unseen, I’m here to tell you that we are required to do both in order to be all that we desire.
If we can understand that it is problematic for our boss to make us stay after hours without compensation, if we can understand the ways in which emotional labor is mainly thrust upon women in heteronormative relationships, if we can understand that it is deplorable the ways in which folks are treated on the farms as they toll away for organic food that they in turn cannot afford - we have to do better when it comes to the ways in which attempt to and do communicate the ways in which we expect people to show up for us. How do we, as supposedly woke people, demand labor without asking for consent? When the consent is removed, why are we shocked? I’ve said it before, I’ll said it again, if we understand the necessity of #MeToo, why is it that we struggle with being in alignment with the me too of being in relation with one another?
“I miss you” - “I miss you too” has become “How come you didn’t call me back?” - "You never call me you don’t care about me!” “Do you have capacity?” and “Are you okay? Do you need to talk?” has become “How come you didn’t tell me?” and “I share all of my trauma with you, how come you won’t share it with me?” “I love you” - “I love you too” has morphed into “Really? You have a funny way of showing it?” and “If you love me like you say you do, you’ll be there for me on demand.”
Personally, when friends call me without checking in, I think something is wrong. There’s an immediate sense of needing support and thought process around how I’m going to show up for them. I’ve never been the type to call once a week, even with my closest friends. I’m the “my love for you is unconditional and I will show up for you consistently in a world that is constantly changing, but that means I might not always be tangible or accessible to you” friend which is why I’ve had friendships since grade school. If you’re one of those friends, no matter how long it’s been, I love you and appreciate you for understanding what I just named. If you’re relatively new to my life, welcome to the kind of labor I can give. That is my baseline. That is my pulse.
In naming this, I name that there are some folks who’s heartbeats are not in sync. That do not understand my pulse and attempt to demand that I explain myself constantly so that they do not have to do the work to understand themselves. This Full Moon is going to illuminate where you need to put in the work for yourself, by yourself, with yourself. Where you need to have a laser focus for an indefinite period of time so that you can reap the benefits of being a fuller expression of your being later. You will quite literally reap what you sow to the beat of your own drum. It is better to have an abundant mind frame than one of scarcity with this in mind.
Whether you recognize the call to arms, that pulsing heartbeat, the loving mixtape you’re trying to give to yourself, that soundtrack to your power? That’s on you. No one else.